Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
