You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
