girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
