You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You need a sexual gate keeper
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
