I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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