i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
