Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
