We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
