I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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