Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
