Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
