I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
