Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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