I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
