The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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