Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
