glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
