I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
