does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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