susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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