Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
