i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
