doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
