my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
