Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
