well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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