I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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