dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
