I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All the doctor said was why
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
