Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
