Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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