Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
