Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
