Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
