New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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