Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
