My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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