I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
