Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
