I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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