i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
