Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
