I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Barsexuality is the new black.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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