He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
