The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
