Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
