i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
