Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
