Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
