next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
