I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
