i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I party with great urgency now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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