Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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