At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
